AloneWhile I walk the halls at schoolI see something I see everydaySome couples hugging, kissing, and holding handsEvery time I see those thingsI sigh as a little piece of my soul dies againI already have love, but not physically with meNo one to kiss, no one to hugAnd no one to hold hands withI feel colder and colder each nightSometimes I cry myself to sleep I'm so aloneI try to listen to my music, I try drawingI try everything that makes me feel happyBut nothing seems to fill the empty voidThey say that they promise they'll be in my armsBut I know that's an impossible wish to grantAnd that they're just lying to make me feel betterEvery time I hear them say, "we'll meet, i promise"I feel like whispering quietly then yelling out loud,"lies, lies, LIES!!"As I walk the halls, I see love.I'll never experience that kind of love..ever...I'll just sit here all alone and waitand wait...waiting...waiting..until I feel Death's scythe sweep across my neck and my soul holds h
BirthdayThe date is March 16th, 2013I turn 18, I'm an adult nowMy family throws a birthday party for meWe have cake and ice creamI get presents, cards, and hugsThe gifts here are nice, but they're not what I really wantThe item I had written on a past list made last December,"1. Anth"I've wanted him by my side since last SeptemberIf he was with me, I would be completeBut since that's never going to happen,This will be the first birthday night where I'll cry myself to sleep.
Valentine's DayThe day when we celebrate loveBy giving cards, flowers, and sweets to their loversOr to your friends and familyI didn't care for this holiday back thenI thought it was just another dayBut now, I have a reason to careMy true love is real special to meI can't live without himHe loves me deeply and calls me his angelI made a Valentine's Day card and a picture for himBut he's not here, and he won't ever beI can never give these things to himI can only pretend toBack then, I didn't care for the holidayBut now, it's the most lonliest day of my life.
Another School Day...I walk through the school doorI see him leaning against the wallHe was there waiting for meI held his handHe and I go to the same classesHe's always in the empty seat right next to meWhen we're in the halls, we hold hands like couples doIf the bus seat I was sitting in was emptyHe's sitting next to meWhen we get off the bus, he's walking with meWhen we make it home, he follows me to my roomWe cuddle in bed, we kiss, we do more...That's when I text him and ask him how his school day was.
SnowI see the snow fall through my windowIt makes me feel melancholy and emptyAnd that's when I think of himI wonder how he's feeling or what he's doingI wonder if he's still hates his parents, if he still fights with themIf he was fighting, I silently prayed that he would be alright.I then think of what would happen if they crossed the line and he ran awayWould he be okay, or would he suffer?I knew it was the angst talkin, but I still worryI wonder if he's looking out a window, looking at the snowI wonder if he was thinking of meIs he thinking of me to escape all the suffering in his life or just to pass the time?I don't mind if it was either one, as long as he was thinking of meHe keeps calling me these lovely names like 'angel' and 'Rose bud'It makes me so happy that he sees me as his angelI makes me want to hug and kiss him right thereBut then...I realize he's not hereHe'll never be here, ever...The tears land on the windowsill.
Prom NightI enter the doors to hear muffled musicI use my ears to find the source of the bassI finally find the gym and go insideI see all the boys and girls from schoolAll dressed up in their best dresses and tuxedosI hear dance music playing and see colored lights flashingI go to my usual spot during these dances;Over by the punch bowl, sitting against the wallI watch as the girls dance with their datesI feel the bass as it makes the room and my insides vibrateI see all the flashing colors and the beautiful decorationsThen, I hear slow music start to playand I see the couples start to slow danceThis part makes my heart hurt the most at these dancesI then look at the girls facesThey look like it's the best moment of their livesThey think there's no higher goal in their life than this nightI then see a few kiss their dancing partnersThat's when the tears start fallingI realize I will never experience the feelings they're feelingI will never feel 'high on life' or think 'this